A Melting Pot of Thoughts

pat-burrell2.jpg

What’s with the Pat Burrell Pic? 

Apparently the Phillies came out to the first day of camp wearing shirts with this picture of Pat the Bat and beneath the pic it says, “Man or Machine?” and on the back of the shirt it says, “Winning Starts Now.”

If your not a fan of the Phillies, you have to be a fan of this move. If I found a picture like this of anyone I knew I would definitely make shirts.

These guys are Philly’s best chance at a championship. I feel good about it. Great group of guys. Not one guy on the team was on the Mitchell Report. We had one dirty player, Abraham Nunez, but we shipped his ass out before the report came in. He was the weakest part of the infield. So either we’re the cleanest team in baseball, or we’re the best cheaters because no one has gotten caught. Either way, respect it. If it weren’t for the Phillies I wouldn’t watch baseball at all. They seem to be immune to all the bullshit and commentary surrounding the game. They’re too busy dealing with the bullshit that comes with being in Philly.

It’s funny, the Phils make me watch baseball, and the Sixers make me want to stop watching basketball. Although, since Billy King got fired there has been hope. For example, dumping salary like Kyle Korver. Kyle was great for the team’s sex appeal, but no where near worth the money he’s getting. Since Korver was traded though, the Utah Jazz have been the best team in the league. (Go check out who the GM for Utah is that orchestrated this trade. I’m basically famous.)

Oh and I’m a Nuggets fan until Iverson gets traded, retires, or dies on the court from his giant heart exploding. Go Nuggets!

In case you didn’t know, I’m pro-steroids in professional sports. Bigger, stronger faster. Sounds like a better show. I also think every sport should allow fighting like hockey does.

You see the new American Gladiators?

That show is super gay.

Television has evolved since the last Gladiator was on. The audience has been exposed to much more violence, extreme videos, and assholes who eat buffalo testicles for Joe Rogan. We need more out of this show. More blood, actual danger, and some mean motherfuckers who do a whole bunch of coke and hallucinogens right before they fight.

We can go on Youtube and watch low quality street fights. If they just took the savage beating element of a shitty street fight and up the production level to that of a network show, who wouldn’t watch?

If there is a possibility a guy could lose an arm trying to win a
million dollars and become the next American Gladiator… I’m not missing an episode.

But if you parade around these f@g$ in wrestling unitards and have them hit each other with the thickest padding ever, and the worst thing that happens is they fall 8 feet into a pool of water… then I’m sorry I don’t have a reason to watch.

At least make the joust higher than a high dive. And fill the pool with sharks or a few piranha. I want to see fear in their eyes.

You know damn well it wouldn’t be hard to find contestants for this. People will do anything for money or T.V. exposure. We exploit dumb people all the time… it’s what we do. Why can’t we just take it up a notch, put their lives in needless danger?

This is America! We’ve got the biggest balls in the world. Lets show all those other fuckers how crazy we are. This is all I’m saying.

Also, this has got to be a low point for Hulk Hogan. His son is facing vehicular manslaughter charges. His big boob wife is divorcing him (Although I heard it was a big hoax, so when they sue Hulk for his son’s crime, they can only take half his estate. They can’t sue his wife too. I don’t know how valid that is).  His only daughter is basically making a B-line to Playboy. And to top it all off he’s the co-host, not the host, of a show he probably despised in his prime.

I mean, he had to hate the original American Gladiators, right? They were a direct competition on Saturday morning television. What were the gladiators if not a poor man’s WWF wrestler? Those who can’t fake wrestle… gladiate?

(That gladiator Wolf is like if Kevin Nash and the Ultimate Warrior had a retarded child.)
 

By Kevin O’Connor (Guest Author)

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